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July 01
July 01st, 2009 ... 
Have I lost my touch
the power I held, to make you cry.
then make you forget that I ever did ... ? |
June 30
June 30th, 2009 ... 
'Don't tell me of love everlasting and other sad dreams,
I don't want to hear.
Just tell me of passionate strangers who rescue each other,
from a lifetime of cares.
Because if love means forever, expecting nothing returned,
then I hope I'll be given another whole lifetime to learn.'
- Joan Baez
|
June 30th, 2009 ... 
My tooth hurts
My head hurts
My eyes hurt
My feet hurt
Thankfully my heart doesn't hurt today.
Guess I'm going to be fine. |
June 29th, 2009 ... 
'... Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light;
I have loved the stars too fondly, to be fearful of the night ...'
-- Sarah Williams, 'The Old Astronomer to His Pupil'. |
June 24th, 2009 ... 
I feel so small now.
I don't know if I can be brought out of this.
I had hope for a while, now I'm slowly starting to give up. |
June 24
June 23th, 2009 ... 
I don't have *high* hopes or huge ambitions. I'm happy with my small simple
life, the small simple joys that everyday holds. I like knowing new things,
learning. I'm happiest in a classroom or reading a book in a library. Wordly
topics like economics and history and suchlike never really appealed to me.
I like philosophy and psychology, even a bit of science maybe, the sorts that
deal with things too small for us to see, too far away for us to reach or just
plain hypotheses, theoretical things that still go a long way in explaining so
many things we can never explain otherwise. Reality pretty much depresses
me. Only when I can stay oblivious to things that are here & now, I can feel
better. And whenever I sit down trying to take stock of these things, I get
into terrible lows that last days sometimes. I don't know, I feel as if I'm
unsuitable to live in this world. The world that doesn't care much for the
things I do care about. It's scary. I choose not to think about it. |
August 15
August 15th, 2008 ... 
Sorry about the whining, it just sucks I didnt get in. But anyway .. I am in a
great mood today and I haven’t much of a clue why. The day itself is not so
marvelously wonderful or more special than the rest, but I just feel lovely. :)
Maybe it's because a talk from yesterday I had with somebody that gave me
some sense, made me more human. It seems like the stress of the last few
weeks has really been getting to me and now that we have moved on.
So, I have got something to work towards. I know there is still a lot to do,
but for some reasons today I really feel it's all much more in control.
And yeah .. I'm kind of happy. I hope it lasts a long, long time. |
July 31
July 31th, 2008 ... 
Yesterday I had a dream. I dreamt that I was on the white little boat,
watching the Pacific ocean quietly with the views of the blue horizon,
nothing else was there. All of sudden, my life seemed to have become blank.
Despite that, I was happy.
When I woke up, theres this thought running through all over my mind.
If, someday I can be like I was in my dream, throw everything away and
live by the ocean for the rest of my life, then ... that's true happiness.
But miracle did not happen. Are we too far from that simple happiness?
Or, are we not allowed to be happy?. |
June 25
June 25th, 2008 ... 
Suddenly, the full force of the realization hit, and I started to cry and cry and
cry and cry. I hope I'm done. I feel very very tired, as if I have walked across
Africa. It's been a long 6 months.
It's the being ok with it part that I'm still sucking at. Always thought I believed
the worst, but it seems I also hope for better than I can get.
If that makes sense. |
June 01
June 01st, 2008 ...
"I do my thing, and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
and you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other,
it's beautiful."
Frederick E. Perl
I'm sure it was .. and definitely it still is .. |
May 31
May 30th, 2008 ... 
I feel very shiny today.
A shiny glowy kind of thing.
Glowing in the dark like a long lasting glow stick.
It's a pretty nice way to feel.
So, you know I'm currently in a good mood.
And I'm stupidly, foolishly, insanely, unreasonably happy. :) |
April 27
April, 27th. 2008 ...
1) I miss my story that was soooo planted in my pc but there it goes, belching
in hell. My files got fretting in some cold and lonely place. Damn you Bill Gates!
When can I get my pc working back? I need those sassy files. I got my life in
them. I was so close at being a writer. The mercy-full stories.
2) I got me drowning by looking at his sweet-loving eyes which, I daresay, I
have no falling heart for him. This is just for the record.
3) Once again, my pc scum-bag.
4) My N81 just got me busted, but what can I say? I love Nseries.
And just as I thought, I call it a day.
|
April 22
April, 22nd. 2008 ...
Everything is gonna be alright.
So guys, wait as I unfold my latest compilation of my composition.
This would rather include:
1. the break-up memento.
2. moving on showery flight.
3. real monologues.
4. flight of the dawn walker.
5. the bozzing nights.
6. many stories.
7. finding love on a haysack.
Tnx guys. read on. |
April 14
April, 14th. 2008 ... 
I want to know something. Do you ever look at a picture of yourself, and see
a stranger in the background?
It makes you wonder how many strangers have pictures of you.
How many moments of other peoples lives have you been in?
Were we a part of someone's life when their dream came true
...
or were we there when their dreams died?
Did we keep trying to get in?
As if we were somehow destined to be there
...
or did the shot take us by surprise?
Just think ...
You could be a big part of someone elses life, and not even know it. |
March 26
March. 25th, 2008 ... 
Will the day come,
when my laughter
is no longer charming, my love?
I fright to know. And will the day come,
when my eyes do not shine so,
I dread the thought.
It is you I see,
And you I hear
In my mind - your image
embossed in my soul.
Will the day come
when you will no longer love me, my love?
Completely like you have,
completely like I know you will. |
March. 25th, 2008 ... 
I was wondering ...
If no man is an island,
yet I'm surrounded by sea,
what does that make me?
Well, I don't know if it's the weather, or that I am worried about .. somebody,
or that I have been home alone for the last couple of days, or what.
I feel blah .. |
February 15
February. 15th, 2008 ... 
Goin tomorrow. Should get there by the evening. I’m wondering if I should leave
my ipod at home. Would it spoil the atmosphere? Then again, I need Jimmy Carr
close at hand for a quick laugh. And what’s appropriate attire for a retreat?
Smart? Casual?
Anyway, I don’t think there will be much ipod time though, the day begins at
5am, and finishes for 8pm. By then, I will be at this restaurant I have heard
rumours about and start eating. Seriously, what more should I ask? Just as long
as I can fit regular eating and sleeping in between the day, I’m happy. :))
Sorry I’m late, but hope it was zentastic. :D
|
February 09
February 09th, 2008 ...
It's been a long time since we've last spoken which I miss you so. Three months
that I was away seems like forever has turned to never. I'm sorry if I make you
guys so concerned and worried. But I can't promise that I will not do it again.
Bad habits die hard. :)
There're too many things in my life have been changed. Something just never
remain the same, that how cheesy life actually is. :) But I don't think I was
ready to see how much I had missed out on my friends changing and growing up.
People have changed even more than the buildings. That's life.
|
February 07
February. 07th, 2008 ...
It seems like the most classic of dumb excuses, but for most people it actually
happens a couple of times.
My dear Great-Granny has passed away last week. She would have been 102
next couple months. I loved her, as did all who knew her. She will be missed.
I ... don’t really have any more words right this minute. I'm ill and tired ..
Maybe later.
Edit - Feb 08th: It was really sad for us all that Great-Granny passed away,
but that's life for you - it ends.
Great-Granny had a long life, filled with family and friends, love and travel,
game shows and puzzles and many more. In the last couple of years, she said
she was ready to go. It bothered her that her mind was still sharp as a tack,
but her body was no longer able to keep up. She was practically blind, deaf and
in a wheelchair, too weak to push herself where she wanted to go, even if she
could have seen well enough to navigate, which she wasn't. Frankly, being in
that state just plain pissed her off.
It was sad to see her that way whenever I visited. That being the case, it was
something of a relief to finally have it over with, even though it was sad to
say goodbye to the grand lady who did so much for her family.
We don't seem to like the idea of death as a society. At least not of the
peaceful, quiet death that will eventually come to us if we cheat all the other
ways of passing for long enough. But it happens to all of us, to all of our
friends and relations and acquaintances and enemies. Our lives are a tangle
of relationships that is ever-changing, and sometimes the change is another
person withdrawing forever from the endless formation and reformation of
their part.
Ashes to ashes, they say. But when you can no longer really enjoy a 5-0 clean
sweep of them, and your friends have moved on, it's probably time. The rest
of us have other things to do first, but we'll all get there, and in the meantime
you too are a part of us. So long as someone knows your name, you exist.
Bye bye Granny. I will come and see you soon, but you won't know it. Still, you
can always drop in to visit my thoughts for a while and see what I am up to.
Whatever you might say, I think you can understand it.
|
October 03
October 03rd, 2007 ... 
It's truly an amazing thing when someone you love and trust turns around and
stabs you right in the back. Promises completely broken with not even a hint
of remorse. I truly wonder .. what goes through someones mind, when they
actually think that it's ok to treat another human being in such a way.
But in the end, the 'hurtee' ends up in the best position, as they finally see
what the other friend was truly all about. Were they as disappointed as me?
I don't think so..
Thank goodness, it all is just about over. I'm so done with it. |
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